its painful to handle:i am in pain

it should over now!!

its been quite tuff to recollect all my energies and getting back to my daily life.

 the way i smile, i way i talk, the way i see things, , now have quite changed. it will take me some time time.

i am still in process though. and i can make it. trust me.

 i am quite strong, as a soul.

 these things,wont affect me.

it was my choice.

 it was part of my dream, i always wanted to happen to me. now, when it happened. rather being sad and disappointed, i should celebrate.

 i crossed one major phase of my life.

still, i feel sad about lots of things.

 i don't trust humans now. i don't trust the body

i do want to believe in love, i always believed..

but its not easy.

 

i am happy for the fact, i gave my best. i tried all. i was into it, 100% mentally, physically. i smiled, laughed, cried,, worked.

 i was doing all to enjoy my time. so, i don't have any regrets.

as humans, we get used to certain things, and its painful to leave.

 with me specially, who is so impulsive and attached to each and everything around. offcrse, it will take some time.

i always look at the brighter side, where i feel, i choose certain person in my life, for certain experiences.

 so, i am not scared of loosing them. i know, they already belong to them. and they will be forever.

yes, i get upset thinking, why? why certain things they did to me? i was nice to them, i helped them, i always shared ,,, but but but..

my dear darling, you cant expect another person to be like you.

 every individual is different and they have rights to live their own life.

and they choose, what they want to do.

so, no one to blame.

 no complaints.

i am happy, i have good people around, who i can share. i shall be thankful to them. they been really really a big support to me.

i look at positive sides, where i have a experience now. i am getting more and more stronger.

 i am too young, but, a long way to go.

 i am thankful to people coming in my life and sharing experiences, giving lessons.

i feel blessed.

it was i, who choose people, things to happen to me. it was me, who knowingly was getting into it, bcz. i wanted to experience the worse out of it.

i am selfish, i do everything for a reason. i am a loner. 

all the times, i have cried, haven't i came and shared my pain here?

so, may be i ask / crave for more pain, bcz. i want to write about it.

 if yes?

well, its sorted.

i have always cried and complaint about things, people, their behavior. but, i cant change people. do i need to change myself for them?

No, i choose not to!

 i want to be myself, be what i am!!

and so, my dear, i get more pain, i get more hurted.

 being self here, is tuff.

it pains!!

its painful.

 i feel blessed, lucky, i am creative, as a person.

i know, how to communicate, express,

 through my paintings, writings, photography..

 and more,,

 imagine others?

i wonder what they do?

just cry?

i am so isolated with myself within, i don't feel anything now.

may be bcz. i already know, what i am getting into. so, i am always prepared.

nothing surprises me at all.

i know people, i dont trust them.

i dont judge them of their behavior.

i still stick to them, bcz. i know what i want from them. and untill i get it.

i dont mind any pain.

how much happy i feel, now

 when i am alone, laughing at self, looking at self into mirror and smile.

i spend time with self more. i paint late nights.

when the world is busy sleeping, i am busy putting colors into my dreams.

lots of times, i am not aware,w hat i am doing, but i also cant sit like this.

 i got used to be busy to not think much.

so, i am putting all of my energies into my work. i am doing lots of things.

 but there is a pain inside.

 i am wounded.

 and it will take time to heal.

i hope, i will be better soon..

i really want miracles to happen.

 i really want to get over this.

 enough, i gave my best 3 months, i dont want to take 3 months to get over it.

it was nice

i was happy then.

i had my share of love

i want to forget it all.

 Please!!!!