UNTOLD INTIMACY

SOMETIMES,
few people are blessed with good caring people around.
you can share your feelings to.
sit and talk, ask for suggestion.
 or someone like me, who just need someone to listen to him.
and if could not find anyone.
so, i choose this.

well, i just want to loved, taken serious.

after a misunderstanding  relationship, which was in my mind only.
 bcz, you always said- you are not ready for RELATIONSHIP TAG.
 fair enough.
 you said- i live far away, WHAT DO COUPLE, IN LOVE DO? WHEN THEY ARE LIVING FAR AWAY AND NEED SEX TOO?

well, you choose to have random sex, UNLIMITED.
you did not had time for me.
fair enough- you were not in love with me, right?

i was the one in love, right?
so, i always thought of you, sometimes felt, i am disturbing too much, i tried maintaining gap, when i felt, i can not control, i came back and approached again.
 IMMATURE ME.
you were the one, who was MATURE, SMART, INTELLIGENT.
 and so, you also behaved the same?
WHY?

my friends calls you, ANSHUMAN OF MY LIFE.. ( JAB WE MET)

i was more excited of coming to Delhi and meeting you than my first placement job interview.
yes, bcz, i was in love.

you said- wait for me, at certain location. i waited.
and so, i just waited only...

there were so many people crossing by, all saw me.
i may looked hot to them, some choose to be silent and pass away.
 when i was standing and waiting for you,
there were several questions, i asked myself. and all i wanted answers from you.
 bcz. my heart, was always yours.

IT NEVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU..

i could have also done the same to you.
 this time, when i am again in delhi
all of my good friends, suggested not meeting you
still i could not stop myself.
 wrote you, during lunch only.
during my first day of job.

yes, i felt it bad.
when you cleared me, saying- i was having sex, then, when you were waiting for me.
WOW...
i felt like, heating my head, why i am doing this to me, all the times.
 i have lost, all my self respect, my own heart, emotions.
this guy does not love me. fair enough!

he do not respect me too.
M SORRY, I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE..


so, i decided to meet you.
 bcz, i know, my heart.
heart always loved you
and it will, till it beats

YOU KNOW WHAT????

just because- i love you, i liked you, i wanted to be with you, i enjoyed talking to you, i was mad about your eyes,
 the way you use to look into my eyes and talk.

I had forgotten, myself actually.
and yes, LOVE FUCKED MY LIFE.

THINK-
you like someone,
so, you dnt have control on your emotions.
YOU SHOULD.

you love someone, doesn't mean, he got all the rights to misuse.
I JUST GAVE HIM MY HEART, BCZ. MY HEART LIKED HIM.
WANTED TO BE WITH HIM.
 HEART THOUGHT, WE ARE GREAT TOGETHER.

so, does that mean- i gave him all rights of my life?
NO

i have my DESIRE, DREAM, PARENTS, FAMILY, FRIENDS,
AND MORE IMPORTANT, ITS ME.

i love you,
 i still say- i love you
but, i want you to respect me too
you dont
you treated me like- a garbage.
do i look like a garbage?

i ask myself, do i deserve all these?
was these, i was dreaming of?
these were the things, i choose for myself?

NO
a big NO

I am sorry.
if i am immature, you are WORST.


i wanted to meet you again.
well, a decent, person SHOULD NOT
never... NEVER

i wanted to look into your same eyes,
ask some questions-

so, i decided to meet, and we met.
THANK YOU
YOU CAME.

LUCKY YOU, I SHOULD HAVE DITCHED YOU THIS TIME.
BUT, I MAINTAINED MY DECENCY

ANYWAY,,


so, you expect me to kiss you?
WOW

the same way, as i used to do.

M SORRY, DO I LOOK LIKE A FOOL?
i just met you , bcz. i myself don't know, even after knowing all.
after 2 years. i have not forgotten you
 i tried all
still, heart, wants to wait. give one more try.
heart still believes in DESTINY.
the dream, where i dreamed of you and me, together.

NOW, YOU FEEL IT BAD.
M SORRY, i do not want to hurt you.
 but, i do not like, hurting my beautiful SOUL TOO.
WHICH I BEEN HURTING THE DAY, I MET YOU.

you say- i dnt love you
i cant love you
i do not love anyone
people ask me for just sex.

what the fuck!!!!!!

and i say in return, I LOVE YOU

now, i see the reality.

NOW, I SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
yes,
you can always blame for lots of things.
 depends, i take it or not.

you want to have sex now?

OH MY GOD!!!

so, is the reason, you met me.
really?

OK, SO WAS THE REASON, YOU DID NOT MET THEN.
BCZ, YOU WANTED SEX AND YTOU WERE HAVING, WITH SOMEONE.

WHY DO NEED LOVE?
WHY DO I CRY FOR THIS GUY?
who does not know the meaning of love.


HOW DO I LOVE YOU THE SAME WAY?

I FEEL GUILTY, WHEN I TOUCH YOU.
 I DID NOT GET THE SAME FEELING, WHEN I TRY MAKING LOVE TO YOU.
 FOR ME,
 I LOVED YOUR SOUL, NOT YOUR BODY
WHEN I TOUCH YOUR BODY, I GET SMELL.

I FEEL THE LOST SOUL
THE SOUL, WHICH HAS FORGOTTEN ME.

 HOW DO I GIVE MY ALL TO THE DIRTY SOUL AGAIN
 THE SOUL, WHICH DO NOT UNDERSTAND ME, MY NEEDS, MY FEELINGS, MY LOVE, MY SACRIFICES.


WHY DO I LOVE YOU?

now, i ask it myself. and so, i move on......