TALKING SENSE

Talking sense-

Every soul, has some limits, power given, accordingly one works.

There are limited functions, which one soul can do and which can not. Whatever you try.

Over a regular phone, you can not use advanced applications. You can not put more memory into a device, than its storage power. Making sense?

So, I related soul to devices and products.

Wow

You know what?

Even I also feel it bad, when you say- I do not really mean to you. You never loved me, you have no feelings for me.

Really?

Why was the reason, when I always got a response from your side? When you needed?

Why was the reason, you initiated, if you were not sure.

What was the meaning , of those meetings, talks, touch, showing comfort, when I was with you.

 Was it just to show, yes, you are a rich brat, and you can do this.

 Bcz, you want to do this, so, you are doing this to me, as a favor?

Wow,

BUT trust me, favor are always returnable.

If not me, anyone else will surely return the favors, you did to me.

Its not that I am cursing you, its just that, I am  being practical, nature works like this only.

Its natures law.

Whatever you say, whatever you try to show.

But, for me, you are a empty hear ted , poor, helpless, soul.

When I look at you, I always go back into your past, where I do not know, you never discussed this too.

I imagine, a weird misuse of body, relations, soul, mind, facilities, more than required, more than needed.

And so, the nature wants those back from you.

Into this life only.

You never know, you will get another life or not?

Why is the reason, having so much of wow facilities, wealth, and approaches, I see you helpless, lonely.

I saw you lonely, and unhappy then too.

When I met you first time. and so, I wanted to give you happiness, for you only. I fell in love.

 When I think, of this topic seriously, I realize, I wanted to make you happy, I wanted to be with you. So that you feel happy.

I wanted to give you all, which you dream, which you need. But you are not getting.

Isn’t it the real definition of love

Someone, you care, and you want to give all to the person, which he can not do it for himself,

So, as a another related soul, you come in life, and help

Wow

Does this makes sense to you?

No?

Tell me something-

I want to ask you a very personal question.

You have discussed to me, no. of times, that you went to your doctor for surgery into your ass.

Are you suffering from some serious disease?

If you are!

Oh my dear lover, I know you don’t care about anyone, but at least think of your parents, family, your own life, body.

How can you waste it like this. Meeting no. of strangers a day.

Doing unlimited drugs, wasting resources like anything.

Anyway, its your choice, your decision.

You have always done, what you wanted to do.

You  never needed my suggestions, you never cared sharing too.

So, gong back to the main issue, what I wanted to discuss,

So, we went another country, you waste your resources, waste your body, waste, waste, waste.

You waste it a lot.

So, now, when my soul came in contact, started dreaming of a happily, life together.

Where we spend good moments, happily, in love, and doing sensible things.

 Your soul do not like it.

Do not want it.

And so, there is no love for my soul.

So, your soul is full of lust.

Still, digging into lust only.

After all these too, still not ready to change.

So, does love means change?

Yes, why would you change yourself, just for a random, guy, who loves you.

Do you really care?

Love really needs to be two way. Where you try understanding another persons view, life, expression, understanding, sharing, caring.

If it’s a one way, it goes waste. And so, we are facing it now.

M sorry, I can not love you anymore, bcz. You do not care about it. I am not getting the right response, I expect, I need, in return.

For you, a crazy soul is behind your soul, to be loved, emotions.

 You hardly care about it.

If it was for sex, lust. You been always ready and you are always ready with others too.

Or I think, I am confused between love and sex.

Am i?

Yes!!!

I am

For me, its related, very much similar. Just a diff. that one is related to soul, another is to body.

Physical and emotional needs.

You are emotionless, you don’t have any emotional needs.

 So, you do not care about it.

You accept it too.

What is the difference between a person, who is just a sex materiel by his own choice, and doing sex freely.

You are no more different than him, its just that, I have always seen poor people doing this, to maintain their life, and needs.

You accept the fact too.

People call you for sex only

And you are so proud of it.

I left all. I was meditating, to take out from my dreams, as you do not love me.

Where you were busy sleeping with people.

Your life, your choice.

Was not shocked then too. When we met after more than a year, and you were getting random calls, msges, all over dating sites.

So, practical and mature you are.

You have moved on .

Oh, god… give me energy, power to stop thinking these.

It pains.

Its not easy for my immature soul, to handle this pain.

But, tell me the truth,

Am I been able to clear all my quires?

Do I make sense?

Do I talk mature?

Or I am still mature? Sorry immature

ALONE# MY LOVE # MY FEELINGS # YOU CALL ME IMMATURE.

I feel alone.

Expecting love from a stranger, I am stranger to him.

 Isn't he a stranger to me?

 I just met him, for a casual, random date.

 He was expecting, fun, with smoke and drinks.

 My fault, I fell for him, looking into his eyes, I felt he needs someone.

 We had great time together no doubt.

But, for him, it was just a normal meeting, fun, which he could have been, enjoyed with anyone.

 He just wanted to have fun!

It was my fault, I felt, he wants to continue it more. And so, I was the one, who started planning, future plans, in my mind, my words too. My fault.

Isn't it immature?

He was feeling bad, leaving me, bcz. He knew he is going back to a world, where he is too busy with responsibilities, regular life, family, 

I was the one, who was dying to meet again, and so, we planned. I planned coming to his city and met him.

Again, bcz, he could see me coming to his city, he showed decency, met me. Had the same kind of fun, which we had last.

He enjoyed it.

 Itsnt it cool?

So, why to expect, go into details, where on loves someone, care about feelings, its just a regular meeting with regular person.

 If not me, it can be anyone. And yes, it is always someone.

Isn’t it maturity?

I was feeling bad leaving him this time too.

 Bcz, I had feelings.

I was dying to meet again, moment, I left him.

I missed my main project and tried meeting again. We planned for 3 days, where he agreed to my plans.

 He is very decent, sweet, he respects others. So, he will never say no to anything you say.

So, sweet no?

Dnt get confused of him, being a great, loyal boyfriend please!

And so, I traveled to his city again, and we met again.

 Had fun.

And you know what?

 He got bored of me, by then!

So, he got urgent calls, meeting, and family issues.

And s, I had to come back.

After this, you see the true colors.

I keep calling, no reply.

Keep missing, no reply.

My fault, I feel for the stranger, I think, I am in love.

Isn’t it one sided?

Isn’t it immature?

And so, I cry, do all immature things.

 Who cares? He do not feel the same, end of topic.

Even if you go to hell, who cares, he do not loved you

And so, I plan to go to his city, I inform him, he is decent, never forget, so, he says- yes, I will manage meeting you. Wait for me, to certain place.

Excited me, immature me, I get so happy.

Started imagining, believing into dreams again.

My fault, immature me!

I always ask myself, what is the purpose of heart in body?

Just pumping blood?

So, I waited and waited only.

Asked my heart lots of questions. Could not helped.

 Asked god, could not helped.

Why do anyone help? Its my heart, and I follow it.

Immature me!

I return back, with heavy heart, try getting busy with my regular work.

So, mature no?

Sad, you  know  what? I still feel,I am in love with him.

Do you want to know the reason, why he could not meet me, when he said, he will.

He told me, later- he was busy making out with someone, and so, he did not got time to think of me, that I am waiting.

 I was waiting, my fault.

I could not think, missing my graduation project. It was the finale of the my dreams.

Which Should I give priority?

My work? or my emotions?

So, I decided to listen to my heart, which says, if you are good at your work, world will follow you.

And trust me, if I be honest.

 When it comes to work in my life, I do not think of anyone, not even myself, not my health.

So, I was doing well, into my work, getting appreciations, and I love my work. so, I have no time for anything else.

Still, I have heart.

still i use to think of him,

and still i love, still i cry.

why?

So, I asked my selves. what do I want from him, if I say, I love him.am I really in love with the person?

No.

Do I really like him as a person?

No.

Do I really like his nature?

Am I in love with his name?

 His habits?

What he is to me as person?

 He lies

Do I want him as a frends, in my life forever, in future too.

 No,

 After all experiences, where he lies, he is not stable, to his words,

 His acts,

 His promises, do I belive him?

 No.

Do I like him, just bcz, he is rich?

 No,

 How does it helps me, even if he is rich.

 He is not a good lover to me

I do not trust him anymore.

 I do not like that body

I can not have sex with that body

That body do not attract me,

 Do not relate to my soul

 That face, I am not in love with

The nature, behave, do I really appreciate it, as a person, what he does to me or to others even?

Do I really enjoy being with him?

 No,

 I just dream of meeting next, and doing things, into my dreams.

In reality, things always happen, what I do not expect, either

So, I realise, we talked about it too.

 Waiting for things to be better, I feel, its not possible.

We can not force things to happen, as we want

 He cleared it too, he do not love anyone.

 He can not

I do not exist into his life,

 No where

There is no love, care, passion, nothing for him to me.

 What do I call as love?

I am just being happy feeling myself being in love, and I am cursing myself.

 Giving pain to my soul

 Wnt cant I stop myself.

 Isit not into my limits?

 Or I want it to be this way

 May be I love, being in pain,

Where I relate myself to the actors in movies, the way they cry, and die in pain, 

(love)

I am  just fed up with it.

I can not leave in hope, false hope.

I wait , wait and just wait.

 He hardly cares.

I do not know, when we meeting next, I do not know what is into future, together

 There is no future together,

 He do not love me, why don’t I understand it

 Is it too difficult to accept the truth

I am dieseased, I am sufferin from disease called LOVE

I am not able to get out of it.

 There is no medicine.

What do I do?

I WISH, YOU COULD UNDERSTAND MY WISHES

i have no reasons, explaining why i wanted to meet you, after a clear prospective you gave me towards, what you think of me, what you have opinion about me.
and how much i do not matter to you, at all.

you don't give a shiet, not even single per cent.
whatever i do
and trust me, still, i am forced to love you more.

is it my immaturity, where i still believe, love happened.
or is it stubborn me, who wants to prove self, by destroying himself, that no one can never say no to me.
i strongly believe, i am too good to be loved?

is it?


i have understood it very clearly-

1. into gays relations, sex matters more than feelings.
2. being a gay, you are always unsatisfied. you can not be loyal to any one. whatever you say.

this view i got from you, and for you only.
its not general or normal either
its just you
for me

also, clearing-
whatever i do, i can not have sex with you
i can not kiss that thing, where i do not respect.
feelings come out of respect or love only

sad but true
 you spoil me completely

i am being a different being now

love sucked my INNOCENCE, my TRUST
my BELIEVE

still,
i love you, and will love you forver

you are being too nice, polite, and honest
saying, you do not love anyone, ANYONE.

GOOD TO KNOW, I AM AMONG ST ANYONE.

you break me completely.
 more you broke, more it pains,
and more i realize, how much i love you

poor me
i am gifted a heart
why?



you are completely under control of your desires, where do anything to get your SATISFACTION, REQUIREMENT, YOUR FANTASIES

i am under control of my heart, where it does not let me think, anything else, than you
ITS JUST YOU

believe me or not
love me or not
i will always wait

KIDNAPPED COCK

I SAW IT, BETWEEN HIS TWO LEGS

IT WAS CRYING, IN PAIN

WAS TIED

COULD NOT BREATH IN

WAS MISERABLE

 

I was travelling, in a small public transport, where once I entered, I was touched to see his condition.

the cock, was lying between his legs, in pain.

 

every passers by, were forced to look at him, but, could not do anything to him.

may be it was destiny.

 

the picture, of a little kid kidnapped a=came into mind, where he also feels the same.

pain, feeling of lost, loosing family, away from loving ones.

torture, domination, crime.

fear of death.

 

well, the cock was a cock.

so was his destiny, life, like a cock

where at the end, it goes into stomach

true and the reality

 

when we crossed the police station, I was waiting for someone to come to make him free.
nothing happened.
he stopped at a shop, where there were lots already.
captured, into cage.
the guy waiting for him, with a knife in hands already

 

 

I thought of speaking for him once, again things came into my mind.
what will happen to him, when he is free?
 will he be able to walk on road freely?
will life b the same as US?
 

I AM NOBODY

YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN ME

DO I?

I A STILL STANDING, WHERE YOU LEFT ME...

YES, YOU LEFT ME, WTH A HOPE, YOU WILL COME.

AND SO, I WAIT.

....

 

Believing, I been chosen for a special job, by god. I always try to keep moving in life, with good reason, forgetting all. If I loose one, I am sure, some good option, is waiting for me.

Also, accepting all the people came to my life, always been nicer to me, always tried giving their best to me, what they can, into their limitations,

Were always a next step for me, to move on

I remember, you tried helping me, with my carrier, believing, u would get something from me too, in return

So, you asked too, would do I offer to you?

I am sorry, I did not understand it. May be my nature, innocence or call it immaturity. So, I did not feel it bad, when you said- you do not need a kid.

Yes, I was a kid only. I am happy, we could not continue it. I am sure, you have your reason, I had mine too. I feel it bad, and always try shorting it out, from my side. Always initiated. You being a mature, you already know all. So, you been rigid.

How do I know all, how do I understand the situations. I am always facing things for the first time, in my life. No life experiences.

How do I know, what should I do, not to hurt you, not to spoil things.

Yes, I spoilt it all.

I could been smart, used you, by pampering you, being nice, and making my issues.

How do I do it? If I am not like this.

People suggest, into the industry, if you want to survive, just do it.

I am sorry, I am blessed with a beautiful body, but also a soul inside.

Before DOING it, I always think, if I am not respecting my body, how do I expect someone else, to respect it.

Will you?

If I use my body, for my means, I am sure, you won't hesitate passing me to someone else, for your own means.

Am I a product? I do not want to live with this feeling. Keep staring at my body, asking, am i?

So, is the reason, I am a kid.

For a moment, even if I believe, I should be smart, and use people coming in life. I am sure, I won't be able to continue it for longer.

May be I could not cry in front of you, also, I won't be able to laugh in corner alone too.

I am sorry, you met a kid.

 

how can I offer you, something, which do not belong to me.?
which is not mine
I am just given life, inside this body, for my movement.
I am a soul,
 I live into this body.
how do I abuse, this body, where I live.
will you destroy your home?
how should I?

you never belonged to me, never accepted me, as yours.
I never existed for you.
it was just a body, you imagined sleeping with.
......
it can be SOMEBODY, into your dreams, having FUN
but not ME..
I AM NOBODY.