I feel
alone.
Expecting
love from a stranger, I am stranger to him.
Isn't he a stranger to me?
I just met him, for a casual, random date.
He was expecting, fun, with smoke and drinks.
My fault, I fell for him, looking into his
eyes, I felt he needs someone.
We had great time together no doubt.
But, for
him, it was just a normal meeting, fun, which he could have been, enjoyed with
anyone.
He just wanted to have fun!
It was
my fault, I felt, he wants to continue it more. And so, I was the one, who
started planning, future plans, in my mind, my words too. My fault.
Isn't it
immature?
He was
feeling bad, leaving me, bcz. He knew he is going back to a world, where he is
too busy with responsibilities, regular life, family,
I was
the one, who was dying to meet again, and so, we planned. I planned coming to
his city and met him.
Again,
bcz, he could see me coming to his city, he showed decency, met me. Had the
same kind of fun, which we had last.
He
enjoyed it.
Itsnt it cool?
So, why
to expect, go into details, where on loves someone, care about feelings, its
just a regular meeting with regular person.
If not me, it can be anyone. And yes, it is
always someone.
Isn’t it
maturity?
I was
feeling bad leaving him this time too.
Bcz, I had feelings.
I was
dying to meet again, moment, I left him.
I missed
my main project and tried meeting again. We planned for 3 days, where he agreed
to my plans.
He is very decent, sweet, he respects others.
So, he will never say no to anything you say.
So,
sweet no?
Dnt get
confused of him, being a great, loyal boyfriend please!
And so,
I traveled to his city again, and we met again.
Had fun.
And you
know what?
He got bored of me, by then!
So, he
got urgent calls, meeting, and family issues.
And s, I
had to come back.
After
this, you see the true colors.
I keep
calling, no reply.
Keep
missing, no reply.
My
fault, I feel for the stranger, I think, I am in love.
Isn’t it
one sided?
Isn’t it
immature?
And so,
I cry, do all immature things.
Who cares? He do not feel the same, end of
topic.
Even if
you go to hell, who cares, he do not loved you
And so,
I plan to go to his city, I inform him, he is decent, never forget, so, he says-
yes, I will manage meeting you. Wait for me, to certain place.
Excited
me, immature me, I get so happy.
Started
imagining, believing into dreams again.
My
fault, immature me!
I always
ask myself, what is the purpose of heart in body?
Just
pumping blood?
So, I
waited and waited only.
Asked my
heart lots of questions. Could not helped.
Asked god, could not helped.
Why do
anyone help? Its my heart, and I follow it.
Immature
me!
I return
back, with heavy heart, try getting busy with my regular work.
So,
mature no?
Sad,
you know
what? I still feel,I am in love with him.
Do you
want to know the reason, why he could not meet me, when he said, he will.
He told
me, later- he was busy making out with someone, and so, he did not got time to
think of me, that I am waiting.
I was waiting, my fault.
I could
not think, missing my graduation project. It was the finale of the my dreams.
Which
Should I give priority?
My work?
or my emotions?
So, I
decided to listen to my heart, which says, if you are good at your work, world
will follow you.
And
trust me, if I be honest.
When it comes to work in my life, I do not
think of anyone, not even myself, not my health.
So, I
was doing well, into my work, getting appreciations, and I love my work. so, I
have no time for anything else.
Still, I
have heart.
still i use to think of him,
and still i love, still i cry.
why?
So, I
asked my selves. what do I want from him, if I say, I love him.am I really in
love with the person?
No.
Do I
really like him as a person?
No.
Do I
really like his nature?
Am I in
love with his name?
His habits?
What he
is to me as person?
He lies
Do I
want him as a frends, in my life forever, in future too.
No,
After all experiences, where he lies, he is
not stable, to his words,
His acts,
His promises, do I belive him?
No.
Do I
like him, just bcz, he is rich?
No,
How does it helps me, even if he is rich.
He is not a good lover to me
I do not
trust him anymore.
I do not like that body
I can
not have sex with that body
That
body do not attract me,
Do not relate to my soul
That face, I am not in love with
The
nature, behave, do I really appreciate it, as a person, what he does to me or
to others even?
Do I
really enjoy being with him?
No,
I just dream of meeting next, and doing things,
into my dreams.
In
reality, things always happen, what I do not expect, either
So, I
realise, we talked about it too.
Waiting for things to be better, I feel, its
not possible.
We can
not force things to happen, as we want
He cleared it too, he do not love anyone.
He can not
I do not
exist into his life,
No where
There is
no love, care, passion, nothing for him to me.
What do I call as love?
I am
just being happy feeling myself being in love, and I am cursing myself.
Giving pain to my soul
Wnt cant I stop myself.
Isit not into my limits?
Or I want it to be this way
May be I love, being in pain,
Where I
relate myself to the actors in movies, the way they cry, and die in pain,
(love)
I
am just fed up with it.
I can
not leave in hope, false hope.
I wait ,
wait and just wait.
He hardly cares.
I do not
know, when we meeting next, I do not know what is into future, together
There is no future together,
He do not love me, why don’t I understand it
Is it too difficult to accept the truth
I am
dieseased, I am sufferin from disease called LOVE
I am not
able to get out of it.
There is no medicine.
What do
I do?
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